Illustration by Jan A. Igoe
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The expression “work like a dog” has been around for ages, but it was probably coined before canines discovered couches. My own personal dogs are happily unemployed and have no interest in sending out resumes.
Why would they? Dogs have it made. Food and shelter are covered. So is healthcare and 24/7 concierge service. And there are perks like unlimited napping. All their needs are met, and they don’t chip in a nickel. It’s good to be a dog.
Maybe those benefits figured into a Japanese man’s decision to become a collie, something he’s dreamed of since childhood. The man, who goes by Toco, shelled out $15,000 for a hyper-realistic, fur-covered dog costume. Now he’s got millions of YouTube viewers watching him roll (or fall) over. Even my dogs can do that if they’re in the mood and the treats are tasty, but people would rather watch a man crawling around in a dog suit.
He’s not the only one playing Rover. There are at least 10,000 grown men in England—mostly professionals—who dress as dogs to beg for treats and belly rubs, according to Newsweek.com. Pretending to be a dog is only a part-time gig, but they say it relieves the stress that comes with being a full-time human. (Puppies never get bad performance reviews.)
Then there are nature lovers like Charles Foster, who want to experience life from the animal’s perspective. Foster isn’t your run-of-the-mill wacko. The father of five taught medical law and ethics at Oxford. He’s written dozens of books and was a formidable barrister, according to his website charlesfoster.co.uk. He’s practiced veterinary medicine and taken expeditions all over the world when he wasn’t living as a badger—or a fox, an otter, a deer or a bird. When an animal lives in a cave and eats worms, so does Foster. It’s unclear how he handles flying.
I expected at least mild shock when I shared these trends with my friend Emma, but she just scoffed.
“What rock have you been hiding under?” she asked. “I take yoga with two furries: a lavender lion and a lizard.”
That’s when I remembered spotting a very pale couple at the gas station dressed in solid black. Except for their fluffy blue tails.
At the height of shorts and flip-flops season, they wore long-sleeve shirts, leather vests, heavy jeans, chunky chains and bulky, lace-up boots. I was so busy gawking at the goth stuff that I almost missed the tails, which started at the hem of their vests and ended at the back of their knees.
When I was 5, I had a tail, too. My best friend was a magic rabbit that was 10 feet tall and invisible to my mother. (That’s the magic part.) I didn’t have a fancy bunny costume, so I made off with her cotton balls and glued them to the back of every dress I owned. I might have been the first furry if my mom hadn’t demanded their immediate return.
As of this writing, Toco the collie’s identity is still a mystery, but he can’t be very big. If I morphed into a dog, I’d want at least a Rottweiler costume. Maybe even a mastiff. Then I could roll over and wag my tail like Toco and earn tons of money from my viral videos. But seeing me eat kibble from a bowl on the floor and shred stuffed toys with my bare teeth might traumatize my dogs. That would mean scheduling therapy sessions and paying for their Prozac.
Pretending to be a rabbit is probably less risky. And cheaper. You can buy a lot of cotton balls for $15,000.
Jan A. Igoe is very envious of Toco and his long list of subscribers, but she doesn’t need YouTube to watch dog antics. Join us at HumorMe@SCLiving.coop any time and have a Happy Halloween.