Illustration by Jan A. Igoe
When I imagine the world’s happiest place, it’s always a sandy white beach lapped by aqua water with a gentle breeze meandering through the palms. But the happiest countries on the planet aren’t in the tropics. They’re in Scandinavia, where palm trees would promptly be repurposed into cross-country skis.
For the past six years, Finland has taken “happiest country on Earth” honors. And their frigid Nordic neighbors were right behind them, according to the 2023 World Happiness Report, which ranks 149 countries for that elusive state of contentment.
Researchers factor in affluence, social connections, good health, one’s sense of freedom and security, and how many feet of snow you can be buried under and still be overjoyed about it. That’s where cold countries with long, dark winters shine.
According to all the web tidbits I could find, Finnish people spend tons of time outdoors schmoozing with mama nature, no matter what mood she’s in. Any weather is good weather. You won’t find wimpy whiners who see a puddle and run home to report a flood. Not in that country. They just pull on their long undies, big boots and wool hats and carry on until it’s time to drink.
When Finns aren’t hiking, sailing or skiing, they have two favorite indoor activities: sweat bathing (think sauna) and drinking in their undies.
You probably want to hear about the undie thing first. They’ve even got a special word for it. Kalsarikänni is “the feeling you are going to get drunk home alone in your underwear—with no intention of going out,” according to finland.fi. You can also get “pants drunk” with a friend. It still counts.
Now, about the sauna. Most Finns have home saunas, but there are plenty of public ones too. Finland has millions of saunas—reportedly more saunas than cars. Your neighbor is six times as likely (I’m guessing) to crank up the sauna when you visit than to offer you a cup of coffee. However, you might be invited to share some sautéed reindeer or blood dumpling soup if you don’t jump in that sauna fast enough.
I also read that Finns don’t like small talk and they are extremely literal. That’s odd for Americans who spew meaningless words in the name of politeness all the time. In America, when someone says, “So nice to meet you. Let’s get together sometime,” it generally means they will dismiss the encounter and ghost you in less than three seconds. But if you say that in Finland, the calendars come out because you’ll be required to book a firm date immediately. Possibly a wedding. (But don’t be late. They don’t like that either.)
Their weather favors sports like reindeer racing, but when the snow melts, Finns enjoy carrying their wives on their backs. In the wife-carrying contest, men race through an obstacle course while toting their significant other on their back. The winner walks away with a trophy and his wife’s weight in beer. You’d think serious racers would marry really tiny women, but tiny won’t score much beer. So, the decision to marry a Viking or Tinker Bell can’t be made lightly. (No pun intended.)
And last, but not least, there’s a contest for sitting on an ant nest. It’s about seeing who lasts the longest when the ants start biting your bottom, which shouldn’t take long. Let’s hope Finland has much nicer ants than our grouchy, saber-toothed, fire kind.
I suppose we could start a competitive ant-sitting league in the Carolinas and see if it makes us all happier, but kalsarikänni would probably catch on faster.
Jan A. Igoe won’t be ready to move to Finland until blood dumplings and reindeer (it might be Rudolph) are officially off the menu. Meanwhile, living in the 15th happiest country isn’t too shabby. Send warm vibes to HumorMe@SCLiving.coop any time. It makes us happy.